Is it safe?

In response to

Which emotion(s) — joy, envy, rage, pity, or something else — do you find to be the hardest to contain?

Is being defensive an emotion? I think defensiveness is the container by which I can hide my emotions. Going through life making sure I am not in the spotlight or picked out for something I perceive someone might think I did wrong… is tiring. What I hide in my storage box of defensiveness is fear. It seems to drive all other negative emotions I easily stuff in my box and not acknowledge.

There is lots of fear. Fear of being wrong, fear of abandonment, fear of not understanding, fear of not being heard or understood.

So I carry around this box of defensiveness which allows me to stuff my fears and not deal with the reality of life and situations around me. It allows me to wear my rose colored glasses and distorts the vision of the real me that is hiding, still, inside my box.

Every once in a while I get a glimpse of myself. Looking in the mirror, I don’t really see who I am, just this person who is going through the motions of life, still wondering if it is safe to put aside my box. At least now I recognize the box and what’s inside the box. But, do I really want to let go of the box? <peering around me I think to myself> is it safe?

This is my greatest life challenge.



3 thoughts on “Is it safe?

  1. Pingback: Unexpected Burdens | Mayur Wadhwani's Blog

  2. Pingback: Poem / Poetry – “Bare Your Heart” | toofulltowrite (I've started so I'll finish)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s